I wish we could celebrate w champagne/wine. In fact, I wish we could do so many things tgt on such a day specially dedicated to Love.

I know everything i'm gna say would seem so hackneyed (Esp on this occasion) but trust me, everything's right from my heart.

You play such a significant role in my life. Since day 1, I knew you're the 1. The one who wipes my tears, The one who comforts me anytime anywhere, The one who scolds me for the silly things i do, The one who loves me despite my flaws, The one who could ever tolerate my nonsense/angst, The one who can make me smile/laugh by just looking at me, The one being the love of my life.

I dont know what I would have been, without you. Nothing, perhaps. You turned my life upside down. From emo girl in sec 1, to happy optimistic girl from sec 2 onwards. You planted in me the spark. The spark that ignites the fire in me. You're my Motivation. The thought of you could make me pull through any situations I would ever be in, I swear. You have this amount of power that no units can ever measure. The power that controls my life.

Saying thank you is obviously not enough to express my gratitude towards you. I dont know what is adequate. You tell me. What I know for sure is I'd be giving you my love, my all. For whenever you want it.

Cause I love you.

I'm blogging right now cause I feel like I should reflect.. Yea haha i knw da fuck right but I just need to read what I've written and then be sure of what I'm feeling right now.

Today's a Saturday. Past five days had tired me out like fuck. Mentally and physically. To make matters worse, I feel that I couldnt be myself in vj. Everyone was so demure and self conscious that I just fell right into the same situation- being self conscious and quiet, not allowing myself to be judged AS MUCH. Thus when I met up w blf, everything just felt right again. I could be myself and we totally enjoyed the little time we got to spend. No offence to anybody, but I'm (more than)glad I left the sch halfway w sof on fri. If not, I dont think I'd think that the orientation ended off w a bang, but instead a relief.

Perhaps it's my own fault. Awkward and shy (yes i am shy when i'm not w my friends),were just how I was throughout the first 4 days in vj. My threatening and unfriendly looks didnt help either. I know. I realised all these not just, but since yesterday or the day before yesterday. Having wondered what was wrong, I concluded that I'm the main cause of all the unfortunate and miserable moments spent then.Sad isnt it? Unwilling to make friends due to fear of change. Change in oneself.

I fear change. & I am aware that this would lead to many downfalls if I do not demolish the fear soon. No more "going with the flow", cause "the flow" does not comprise of changes. Take up different paths, be a different me but in certain ways only.

No matter what, I just cant remain in this sort of situation for all of my 2 years in vj. Time to dare to be different.

Just now, me and blf realised that if Cikgu Norliza had still been in crescent before I graduated, EVERYTHING would have been way much better. Everything about pbmc.

-

On another note, I think I've grown up. Cause now i prefer just sitting arnd and talking to people, not doing much. It's either that or I've grown lazy...which is bad. Rly bad haha. I cant wait for school to distract me from twitter. Age is catching up on me i cant stand whines and complaints from immature ppl anymore.

So bitchy for what?

I'm sorry.

//
my self esteem dropped so much today. reality hit me. i'm gna have to face shits again once sch starts. damn but tonight cant determine my attitude for the upcoming challenges i'm gna face. i dont need you guys to determine tht.