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Wednesday, September 2, 2009, 9:02 PM
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I'm in this mood to write something, impactful. But i just cant put my thoughts in words. Currently, you can say that I'm not really happy. Everything's so messed up, i dont know what the hell I'm thinking of now. It's just.....it's just..... aiya forget it. And no, i dont think it's pms, really.
I know I've said before, "Never stop smiling." It gets hard sometimes, you see. I dont know what I'm missing out in life now, cause it feels like there's something amiss. There's just this feeling you know, the feeling of absence. Things change, and you have to be selfish to keep the things that make you happy and throw the rest away. What if you've lost something that makes you happy? Can you just replace it with something else? But what if it doesnt make you as happy as you were last time? Damn it, am i making sense?
I'm a loser when it comes to making decisions. I'm way too fickle and i tend to get unstable at times. Well, easier said, I think too much about things that are being said to me. Doubtful, that's the word. I was never sure of myself and the decisions I made. It's always been by luck. If you ask me why, I'll say "Idk, cause I'm not sure?" There'll always be a question mark tagging behind me. I dont make a stand, I dont make any stands. I sit on fences.
It's amazing how I like talking things out with people, and seeing the smiles on their faces. But I've never thought of someone talking things out with me and seeing me smile so widely. It never crosses my mind. My problems, if they even exist, are kept inside me and up till now, I dont dare to open up. I'm just so vulnerable, you know. Someone once told me, " A true friend doesnt ask you to cheer up when you're sad, he/she asks you why you're sad in the first place. " What if you dont want to tell him/her? Is she still considered as a true friend then? Life's like a snake. "Terbelit-belit."
I dont see the point of this but yet, I'm not stopping. Stop, Ramizah. My mind's overloaded with unnecessary things, or actually things that dont matter much to me lately but matter alot to me now. Fuck it, fuck it man. I'm having the period of time when I have this strong instinct that I'm being disliked by many. Friends, family members, strangers, whoever else. It sucks cause it brings you down. I'm tired, honestly. Who the fuck cares what you think of me and who the fuck are you to judge me. Fuck off ah.
As you can see, I'm "drunk". Do I actually sound like me? Babi.
I know I've said before, "Never stop smiling." It gets hard sometimes, you see. I dont know what I'm missing out in life now, cause it feels like there's something amiss. There's just this feeling you know, the feeling of absence. Things change, and you have to be selfish to keep the things that make you happy and throw the rest away. What if you've lost something that makes you happy? Can you just replace it with something else? But what if it doesnt make you as happy as you were last time? Damn it, am i making sense?
I'm a loser when it comes to making decisions. I'm way too fickle and i tend to get unstable at times. Well, easier said, I think too much about things that are being said to me. Doubtful, that's the word. I was never sure of myself and the decisions I made. It's always been by luck. If you ask me why, I'll say "Idk, cause I'm not sure?" There'll always be a question mark tagging behind me. I dont make a stand, I dont make any stands. I sit on fences.
It's amazing how I like talking things out with people, and seeing the smiles on their faces. But I've never thought of someone talking things out with me and seeing me smile so widely. It never crosses my mind. My problems, if they even exist, are kept inside me and up till now, I dont dare to open up. I'm just so vulnerable, you know. Someone once told me, " A true friend doesnt ask you to cheer up when you're sad, he/she asks you why you're sad in the first place. " What if you dont want to tell him/her? Is she still considered as a true friend then? Life's like a snake. "Terbelit-belit."
I dont see the point of this but yet, I'm not stopping. Stop, Ramizah. My mind's overloaded with unnecessary things, or actually things that dont matter much to me lately but matter alot to me now. Fuck it, fuck it man. I'm having the period of time when I have this strong instinct that I'm being disliked by many. Friends, family members, strangers, whoever else. It sucks cause it brings you down. I'm tired, honestly. Who the fuck cares what you think of me and who the fuck are you to judge me. Fuck off ah.
As you can see, I'm "drunk". Do I actually sound like me? Babi.
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