I'm blogging right now cause I feel like I should reflect.. Yea haha i knw da fuck right but I just need to read what I've written and then be sure of what I'm feeling right now.

Today's a Saturday. Past five days had tired me out like fuck. Mentally and physically. To make matters worse, I feel that I couldnt be myself in vj. Everyone was so demure and self conscious that I just fell right into the same situation- being self conscious and quiet, not allowing myself to be judged AS MUCH. Thus when I met up w blf, everything just felt right again. I could be myself and we totally enjoyed the little time we got to spend. No offence to anybody, but I'm (more than)glad I left the sch halfway w sof on fri. If not, I dont think I'd think that the orientation ended off w a bang, but instead a relief.

Perhaps it's my own fault. Awkward and shy (yes i am shy when i'm not w my friends),were just how I was throughout the first 4 days in vj. My threatening and unfriendly looks didnt help either. I know. I realised all these not just, but since yesterday or the day before yesterday. Having wondered what was wrong, I concluded that I'm the main cause of all the unfortunate and miserable moments spent then.Sad isnt it? Unwilling to make friends due to fear of change. Change in oneself.

I fear change. & I am aware that this would lead to many downfalls if I do not demolish the fear soon. No more "going with the flow", cause "the flow" does not comprise of changes. Take up different paths, be a different me but in certain ways only.

No matter what, I just cant remain in this sort of situation for all of my 2 years in vj. Time to dare to be different.